Letting go of a dream can be punishing. ”It got to the point where I would avoid seeing any of my friends who were pregnant or who had children. It was too painful; they were just a reminder of my deepest insecurity. When my sister told me she was pregnant, I actually found myself feeling angry with her for having it so easy. Even now I still get a little pang when a friend gets pregnant, but I try to hide it. One good thing though … Tom and I came out of it stronger than ever. We learned to talk to each other about what we really wanted out of life, and we have started to readjust our plans for the future.

Whatever the results of infertility management, it represents a crisis. Both partners are forced to face emotional and sexual issues that may never have arisen otherwise. .The outcome for the relationship depends on the state of the relationship before the infertility is discovered. If things are shaky and the potential pregnancy is seen as the way to patch up their problems, the added stress of IVF/GIFT might be the straw that breaks the camel”s back. As yet, IVF is generally offered only to married heterosexual couples in a stable longterm relationship. This is partly moralizing but it is largely a recognition of the difficulties a couple will face when the going gets tough.


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